Motherhood: Its no joke!

Mom pregnant with me and Michael at the St Louis Zoo

Today was the day the nation recognizes moms. Its a nice thing to do. The day serves as reminder to tell our moms how much we love them and how thankful we are for them. What I realized today is….. Mom, I wish I had been telling you this every day for the past 28 years and wish I could be thoughtful enough to make that happen for the next 28 + years. Mom, you are so giving and you have truly always put Michael and I's needs above your own. That is a picture of the loving graciously and loving us well. So thank you.

Mom and I at the hospital 

What I have learned from being a mother to two little ones is that it is hard. It is hard because motherhood pulls at the very core. It demands you to be selfless but the nature of my human being is to be selfish. That is why I become frustrated some days…..when I want it to be  about me, what I want for myself, my kids, my family, our life. Its amazing though, God can use this glorious, emotional, tired, loving role of parenting to make us more like His Son. Jesus selfishly presented himself to be the sacrifice. He did the Father's will and endured the cross for us. So each time I get woken up from "deep" sleep, wipe food off the floor, my clothes, Sadie's hair, etc, or have to discipline Leighton, I am being sanctified. I am learning how to love sacrificially to two little girls who I already love unconditionally. I am starting to pray (though it scares me to death because I "lose" control to something I never had control of before) for His will to be done for myself, the girls, our family, our life. Whatever it may look like and as scary as it sounds I honestly desire for the girls to love Jesus over their health, safetly, etc. I want them to know how amazingly, perfect Jesus is and how He is our mediator seated at the throne of God. That Jesus is personable and He can actually love them better than my inadequate self. Sadie and Leighton, if you ever read this one day, know I want that for you.  I want you girls to love others selflessly and know you will only be able to do that because Jesus loves you so much that He gives you grace and power to accomplish it.

One of my best friends called today. Always nice to hear your voice Ash. We were discussing "mommy guilt" and she was telling me something she read about, how Mother's Day is for the birds. I proceed to listen and confirm I too believe she was right. I was wondering why this morning when Wes told me "you are good mom and you do so much for the girls" I immediately wanted to say "No. No Im not Wes. Don't say that." and all the times when I had let them down, Wes down, and myself down flooded my mine. Because even though I try. I really do try. I have the best intentions. A mug with "World's Greatest Mom" does not fit. My family may think that because they love me for who I am. A sinner. A person in need of a Savior's grace to get through each day. So I guess instead of saying "your a great mom" we should rather say "Glory be to God for showing us what love and suffering looks like so we can understand and do it for our kids".  Thanks Ash!

Ok, enough deep thoughts….watching Sadie and Leighton interact is the best. Sadie thinks everything Leighton does (even if Wes and I are doing the same) is 10x more funny.

Perfect example of mothering… Wes calls me to sit on couch this morning and proceeds to bring me breakfast the girls cooked (aka He cooked) for me. The plate was on the coffee table no longer than 10 seconds when L ate one of my strawberries and donuts and S took a bite out of my egg sandwich. Story. Of. My. Life. One of these days they will cook me breakfast and eat with me instead of eating my food. But in the mean time, Ill take it these hands grabbing at me and everything else.

 Happy Mothers Day! Love being called Mommy by Leighton and excited to hear what Sadie's "mama" will sound like!