Girls, Slow Down Please.

With the girls birthday's either just happening or coming up I have been reflecting a ton. Or maybe it is because I am reading "Surprised by Motherhood" by Lisa Jo Baker. Either way I realize, I am exhausted but holding on. Holding on not for survival (though I feel that way some) but rather because the girls are growing up too fast. I think no matter what stage I have been in for the last 3 years as a mom, I've never wanted it to end deep down. Yes I appreciate when someone else buckles the kids into their carseats, or helps Leighton down from counter after brushing her teeth, or when someone wrestles Sadie outside so she wont eat rocks… and the list goes on and on. But I still cherish and don't want to miss one of their laughs, hear one of Leighton stories, miss the greeting Sadie gives me as I walk through the door. I'm not going to say that the thought of staying out in the car after I get off work to take a power nap until they find me hasn't crossed my mine :) 

Wes was gone for 3 nights to TN and St Louis this past week. I always realize and appreciate him even more when he is gone. I am glad to have a partner in this thing called parenthood. Thankfully, I had my parents here to help while Wes was a way. They cared for them while I was at work, played with them, they just gave me a break here or there on those daily (or should I say hourly) tasks that are part of motherhood. Exhausting does not even touch it. The laundry piled up this week (till finally mom did it) but I had to nap during the girls afternoon nap. And I would have put away the clean clothes yesterday but it was sunny and we NEEDED to get out and play. I needed to get out. My dad even jokingly said “I need to get back to work in KY so I can rest”. This was probably after he had done his 5^th pretend polar bear dive off our coffee table coached by Leighton or maybe after he had taken Sadie to touch every tree and leaf on the street. 

pretending to be on a train

It's funny how even in the tough situations I have been in with the girls, I didn’t want it to end. Even labor… though painful… once they were born I was excited but a part of me missed carrying them in my belly, or how it felt to be a part of childbirth (God’s way of letting us somewhat be a part of creation, cool huh? ) I mean I don’t like being sleep deprived for 10 months now (because Sadie still wakes at 3 am everyday to eat) but as soon as she stops I will miss cuddling those little baby legs and chubby arms. And when I am mentally drained and Leighton calls me Bamboo, Sadie Chai, and herself Watoto (elephants at zoo) and we pretend play for the 20^th time that day my patience can run dry…. but then later I feel guilty I had that feeling. Why can't I just appreciate the sweet innocence and imagination of a 3 year old!?! I do. I really do. I cry thinking about her getting older and changing. It is just not 24/7 appreciation. I pray I can grow in that.

pretend school as L is teaching and mom and dad were students

Again and again I see how the parent-child relationship is like God and us. Oh how many times I would get impatient with myself but instead He loves us. God is transforming me to be more like Him through parenting. I daily serve the girls because I love them. Would die for them. I think I am selfless to them because to meet their needs may mean I eat cold dinners, have to leave house with hair wet 75% of time,or wipe food off their faces with my sleeves. But I still do not have a pure and holy heart. Wes spoke at Mt Zion (church he grew up in) this past Sunday about how Jesus came to serve us (John 13). Parenting is a great picture of Jesus’ relationship to us (except Jesus was perfect all the time). Parenting is the opportunity for us to see an example of what the relationship looks like….selfless love. How He serves us. He actually did die for me and you which is unbelievably gracious. So Lord, thank you for the opportunity to get to be their mom (and for sending me help now and again!) 

"Mothers may want to find room to breathe, to weep, to panic. But they don't want it to end - this delivering, shaping, cheering, loving, bringing life into the world" -from "Surprised by Motherhood" by Lisa Jo Baker