Guilty Mom Syndrome (GMS)

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Baby books and pictures aren't organized. The laundry is still unfolded on the bed. The dishwasher needs emptying. We ate leftovers for dinner. And the floors and bathrooms havent seen me in forever! Sometimes (well majority of the time) I feel like I can get it together. Suffering from GMS and being self-competitive,  a worrier and somewhat of a perfectionist does not help my situation. The weight of trying to be a good wife, a good mother, do well at my job, and keep a neat and tidy house can be very overwhelming. On top of that I also have guilt that I am at work and not at home with my precious baby. I dont want to miss a single smile, roll-over, giggle, sneeze, etc even if I have seen them a million times.  Especially when she is sick I feel like I am letting her down when I have to go to work. Do I feel like I cant measure up because I am a working mom instead of a stay at home mom? I dont know.  I am fortunate that I didnt have to start working again till she was 6 weeks old and when I did I just worked few days a week and am still not working every day. Guilt may also stem from the fact that I like the people I work with and my job. I enjoy going to work. Does that make me a bad mom that I dont cry everytime I leave to go to work? When I hear pregnant moms say they are quiting their jobs to be full-time stay at home moms it makes me think that I should too. Since we can't afford to do that it does make the decision easier.

But there is two positives I need to realize.

         #1. My awesome hubby is able to stay at home with Leighton when I am at work which is the best senerio I could ask for. He is a great dad.

         #2. God tells us it is not wise to put guilt on ourselves or let others put guilt on us. (2 Corinthians 10:12) I am going to have to remind myself that the idealized notion in my mind of how I should be is not realistic and most likely an unattainable standard of perfection I set rather than what the Lord is expecting of me. I am thankful for his grace and mercy and hopefully in the future I can discern the difference between my own ideas and God's standard.

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