New Parenting Phase: Pre-Teen and Teen Girls

 

We are entering a new phase with the girls that has made Wes and I take a step back. To the outside world and even with us in the home we have sweet tender moments with the kids. They are respective to other adults, engaging with other kids, helpful to strangers, empathetic, etc. but between themselves and even to their parents there are harsh exchanges of words that are rooted in selfishness and pride. We reminded them that it is our first time parenting a 13 year old and 11 year old (going on 17!) and we need wisdom and grace too. We have had lots of conversations, redirecting, and taking away of privileges but the more we consider what is happening, it is revealing things about ourselves and them in new light. We already knew we weren't in control of them and God was but when they are little we can feel that we are. We direct everything they eat and do. As they get older, they rightly develop into doing most things for themselves and thinking independently. It might have even made me lazy in parenting as they are self sufficient and I can be tempted to take a break, have more "me" time or plan trips with friends. But they need us as toddlers did just in a different way. They need us available when they are ready to talk even it cuts into my downtime/sleep. We appreciate how much they do try to explain their emotions to us even its confusing for everyone. 

It also exposes how much we don't know. We know they need to learn, grow, fail ,etc but it is also our job to protect, guide and discipline. We know heart changes and softening to the Spirit is the desire but also we have to discipline disobedience, disrespect, and cruelty to one another. And it definitely exposes Wes and I's idols. In 2 Kings 17 we read "they worshipped the Lord but also served their idols. Still today, their children and grandchildren continue doing as their ancestors did." Ugh the exposure of our idols in addition to theirs is overwhelming. 

We told them we love them too much though to sit back, ignore the bittering or disrespectful speech, and say "it will pass". They are the Lords but He has entrusted us to Sheppard them to Him. We will take any prayer and wisdom offered!