This Is 30

This was from Lonnie's going away party (aka Wake to remember her) but I joke it how I view getting older.

This is 30. My friends who have turned 30 already or are about to be 30 have been using this phrase a lot. This is 30. What is 30?  Im scared of 30. The end of my 20s happened today. To my parents, I don't seem old but to me Im heading to 40. They are suppose to be 40. I remember them as 40. Heck I was 14  when they were 40. How am I thirty now? It feels like the peak, the climax, and now everything else is downhill. Most friends have said 30 was liberating, saying they feel established and like an adult. If you give me a week or two I will probably embrace it. I just haven't thought about it too much and 30 snuck up on me. And then Wes jokingly played that Alan Jackson song Remember When  with lyrics like  "When thirty seemed so old….now looking back, it was just a stepping stone…" with other like "Old ones died and new were born" and "sound of little feet, was the music, we danced to week to week"… geez talk about making a 30 year old cry on her birthday. Well done, Wes.  Before those words didn't effect me so because I wasn't passed 30 looking back but now Im there. Nostagic and all.

This past week at work my supervisor got our family cupcakes for my birthday. So naturally people were wishing me a happy birthday and asking my age. I told them I wasn't thrilled about leaving the 20s as so much happened from 20 to 29 in my life. So much change…. graduate college, marriage, first  job as pharmacist, kids, many moves, finding identity as a child of God… My friends/coworkers replied with "What you are only 30! Look how accomplished you are… career, husband, kids.." Is that what defines success? I didn't ask them but I thought that. Im pretty sure God doesn't define it that way. Many people say 30 is when you are stable financially, settled down, know who are, etc. I guess that could be true but it scares me again that that means you have peaked now at 30 and rest is a slope into no more change, no more growth, no more moves, no adventure…. I hope that is not true. You can be 40, 60, 80 and becoming sanctified, traveling, sharing the gospel, changing, and investing in others I know as I have seen. I think I don't like the way the world states 30 as the defining moment where you are suppose to feel accomplished and sure.

I will continue to wrestle with number probably over the next few days, or at least until Wes joins me at 30 in October :) But today, I had no expectations for the birthday. No expectations for how the kids would act, what Wes would do, or how the day would go. In 7 years of marriage (4 of that being with kids) Ive learned it is better that way, though not always easy to remove expectations.

Best start of the birthday was sleeping in till 9am! So great. Second best was seeing the girls faces as they yelled "Surprise" when I walked into the living room. They had decorated it with fabric and red balloons. They were so proud. Throughout the day Leighton kept telling me "Mom its your day. You can do whatever you want. You get to pick out everything." Sweet, sweet soul.

My favorite meal of the day is breakfast. So we went out for brunch. It is not the fanciest place but they make a good breakfast sandwich and pancakes… The Dish.

After breakfast we just walked around neighborhood and enjoyed the nice (almost fall-like) weather, including picking up some flowers from the market. The girls were well-behaved, funny, and sweet today. Wes was thoughtful in that he wrote down 30 things he said he loved about me. I told him I could tell by his list were were older because it had some things on there he might of told to me at my 23rd year old birthday but then snuck in some ones that he could only say after time, experiences, and circumstances. And he got me a rad sweatshirt from Wish You Were Northwest too.. now to just be in a cabin by mountains drinking coffee…..

The girlies then took a nap, Wes went to church early and I am getting to read, relax and type. Thanks to friends and family for cards and thoughtful gifts as well. Shoutout to the girls in my Missional Community for hanging out last night at Kelsey's and eating cupcakes with me. Y'all are the best.

 This is 30.