I wrote this a couple of weeks ago but never hit submit. Im not sure why….I guess because it is lengthy/deep but now seemed like a good time for some reason. So here we go!
We all know that there was no pratical (from a worldly perspective) reason for us to move to Seattle 3 and 1/2 years ago. We had jobs in Alabama, rent was cheaper and buying was actually obtainable, we loved the teaching we had at church, our new group of friends in our small group, our family was ~3 hours away and we had a new baby. Some people probably thought or still think we must have had a ton of faith to leave that and move 2000 miles away to a new city without friends, family, a place to live, and double-triple the cost of living with a new baby…we didn't. Who knows what I was thinking at the time…. I think it was something like "Yes most everyone I have known my whole life says they believe in God. There are lots of people all over the world that don't. Seattle is ~ 5% an evangelical community. We have prayed about this opportunity to live in an unreached city. God opened doors and gave peace to both Wes and I to move so we did" Hindsight… not my decision but prompting by Holy Spirit who I did not give credit. Faith the size of mustard seed. I mean really we had no idea what we were doing and I definitely wasn't spiritually mature, sorry if I fooled you. Thankfully, He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called (actually it's not a calling to make disciples but a command; the matter of a calling is where we will go and how long we will stay) Most of my life, my relationship with God was compartmentalized to Sunday morning/doing church. Seriously, the truth is I rarely read my bible at all except if someone was teaching to me on Sundays for the first 26 years of my life (I professed to trust Jesus at age 7 I might add). I knew I should read it, I always said "I need to read my Bible more" (in a sense thinking I should so that I would be more equipped and that as a Christian I should be knowledgable on God's word) but I never really did… verse here verse there. Sometimes I would read a book that quoted scripture.
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| First read this book before we moved and the re-reading it with friends is again this summer 4 years later is still challenging |
It is actually unreal to me that Wes and I moved here knowing that I never really appreciated His glory. I have grown by God's grace more in 3 years than I even knew possible. My pride probably didn't let me see how broken I was and am. Now I can see I only had 1/2 of what faith is before which is belief and the other 1/2 which is trust was totally lacking. I continue to struggle with that but appreciate the sanctification process. I mean I still have the thorn of anxiety in my side but I appreciate the place where I am now with that and I wouldn't trade it to be anxiety free but lost like I was 4 years ago.
We have ended up in leadership roles with no experience. We know how it feels to want to just get out of positions and responsibility. We have been discipled. We have discipled. We have served joyfully and also reluctantly. We have been lonely. We have been attacked by the enemy. We have laughed. We have explored the beautiful state. We have grown our family with the addition of Sadie! We have cried. We have fallen in love with Seattle. We have made new friends. New friends have become old friends. Friends have become family. We have seen unbelievers reject the church, come to the church, or become children of God. We have realized it takes time and deep investment to get to know new people. We have learned a relationship and being vulnerable pave the way for gospel centered conversations. And I could go on and on and on. But today's realization, community is key.
We both had community environments before in our life whether it was family, roommates, teammates, or co-workers and we miss and cherish those relationships. Thankfully the Lord created this crazy community for us at the Hallows church. The Lord works in relationships. I have tasted real community. I trust that my kids are getting taught the Gospel. Other parents are teaching me how to parent in a gospel-centered way. We have friends who will pray over us, pray for us, study the bible with us, cry with us, laugh with us, share meals together, watch our kids, etc. I know I could call them at anytime and someone could come over to help if I was in need. It actually blows me away.
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| some of our missional community at Lake Washington on a Sunday morning |
All this to say it is why I feel like when we moved here I was so lost. I didn't know I was but now after seeing how God revealed Himself more and more and opened my heart I know I was. It actually creates more fear in me thinking about leaving this place if God directs us elsewhere than it did when we moved out here. You would think it was the opposite because of all the comforts we left but the thought of leaving the community here (not even mentioning the job I like or city full of fun things) can make me cry on a dime.
I am sharing all this not to make the people we left feel crappy but to show how faithful God was in using this move for our family for good when on surface it could have appeared impractical, foolish, or selfish. He changed us here. We have probably been growing throughout our life but the radical change so far has happened in Seattle, which, if you can imagine, is why it scares me to think about what if we are suppose to move. Why would you want to leave the place where you first acknowledge the Holy Spirit in you? I want more of that. Its funny how a place where you knew nothing about and you didn't know anyone, you suddenly become so attached. Because God has attached me to Him. But what I am reminding myself is that just like the move out here you don't want to miss the next opportunity He has in store because if we are in His will then Ill be able to look back on next chapter and say the same thing. I hope I continue to be wowed by His grace and mercy.
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| post Hallows Play Dayz sports camp pizza party |
At work I have been wowed by Him. I have worked there for 3 and 1/2 years and have had a few deep conversations about faith but mostly they have been surface level and inviting others to church. Another friend shared with me how she boldly asked some co-workers to do a bible study. I was encouraged by her and how God was working in her situation, I felt him say "just do it Casey". So I asked some women pharmacists if any of them were interested and the response was overwhelming. A variety of different background of women have been gathering at a coworker's house now after work studying 1 John. We all have been encouraged.
God is so faithful and I can see him pursing my co-workers and myself through it. I love that He has created a biblical community where I didn't think there was one. They want to continue so in the fall we are going to study Romans. Please pray for our time.
Anyways, we aren't moving if that is what you are thinking, well not today anyway. He may want us in Seattle forever or maybe somewhere else. People ask me randomly "when will you move back?" and I can't put into words well but there is no "moving back" due to our decision. I do not believe God wants us to say "well we spent __ years in the PNW helping a church start but now we are going to settle down and grow old where we grew up". That actually gives me anxiety probably because biblically Jesus says in Matthew 8:20 "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." We may move sometime somewhere new or to a place we have previously lived but only if God directs that.
It is too scary to think about moving based on my decisions after I have seen how good it is to make a decision based on God. Though I know it isn't true or at least hope not, it is why it troubles me more to think about leaving Seattle because I associate all other places I live with old Casey.
I am no more righteous or a better Christian since being in Seattle, it is just the place that I associate with Him breaking me down and opening my eyes to His beauty.
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| Camping trip to Kalaloch 2015 |
Sorry for the novel but this was on my heart…I wanted to acknowledge how I was lost but now I am found. I want to thank God for the community and the way He has used all kinds of people and circumstances here in Seattle to point me to Christ. I ask for discernment and prayer for our family to be aware of how we are to be used, as we always have a blank check on the table. I ask that you will pray we are always open and willing to be lead wherever He wants us to go. Prayer to be brave and bold and to embrace change. That we will never think of what "makes the most sense" in our heads but our thoughts will become His thoughts. That we will take on mind of Christ and our hearts will break for what breaks His. I ask for prayer for continuing to build relationships in Seattle. Prayers for leading our missional community and others whether it is through marriage counseling (we aren't old enough for that, right?) or in one-on-two bible studies. Thanks for all the support over the past 4 years and thanks to our family for visiting us as we miss you guys more than you know! We probably don't say it enough!
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